Intervention

We begin by meeting with the team who will participate in the intervention.

I explain how my approach steers clear of blame, shame and guilt. Addiction and mental health challenges carry much shame—past actions, words, broken relationships, financial harm and more. Often, this shame can exacerbate the cycle of addiction and mental health problems.

If the person of concern hears blame and feels additional shame during the meeting, he or she may shut down, become defensive, or both. Starting with compassion can soften the heart and open the possibility of taking the next step toward wholeness.

Everyone involved in the meeting writes a letter to their loved one, beginning with love and compassion for their suffering.

They share memories of meaningful and joyful times they've had together. They remember moments when their loved one was successful, kind, present, fun or joyful.

These positive memories and expressions of gratitude help the person of concern reconnect with the person beneath the addiction or mental health challenges—to remember who they are at their core, their authentic self before the disease began to take over their life.

The next section simply states the facts: specific instances that have caused concern. Each person will have his or her own set of facts that have brought them to this point.

Again, there is no judgment here. Just concern.

This is why they are here: because they are concerned for their loved one's wellbeing—in mind, body and spirit.

This part of the letter helps the person of concern hear the reality of the situation. To hear the love and concern from the people who care about them. To begin to understand that they are struggling with a disease rather than being defined by it—and, importantly, that help is possible.

Once the letters are written, we have a rehearsal.

Each member of the team reads his or her letter aloud. Any language that is blaming, shaming or guilt-inducing is edited out. The team is reminded that the entire meeting is about lovingkindness and compassion.

We then talk about potential roadblocks that might arise. We agree on responses to the objections their loved one may raise. Team members offer different solutions to different concerns.

There is never any arguing. It doesn’t work.

Families may have spent years pleading, arguing, scapegoating or blaming their loved one in an effort to make things change. It hasn’t worked—and continuing to argue is unlikely to change the outcome.

Lastly, the rehearsal addresses logistics: when and where to meet, the order of the letters, specific treatment options, transportation, and what needs to be arranged at home. Work, family, pets, bills and other practical details are considered so that, if their loved one says yes, the path forward is ready.

The goal of the meeting is for the person of concern to accept help and take the next step toward healing and wholeness.

The team members are there to love and support their loved one into this next step. They have done the work to create the best possible opportunity for their loved one to say, “Yes.”

If the person of concern is willing to go, the entire team is there to support him or her and commit to walking the path together, cheering them on through each step.

If the person of concern is not willing to accept treatment, the work is not necessarily over. We will talk through what happened, help the family determine the next appropriate step, and reinforce the boundaries and commitments established during the intervention.